There are things you understand as a parent only in hindsight.
When my children began not wanting to go to school, I did what parents are supposed to do. I talked to teachers. I talked to counselors. We tried different strategies. We worked harder.
What I eventually came to understand was that my children weren't necessarily asking me to help them become better at school. They were trying to tell me that school wasn't working for them.
I watched bright, curious, kind kids begin to shrink. question their value and lose their confidence and self-esteem. School became something to survive rather than somewhere to develop curiosity and excitement about learning new things. For the school, their differences became problems to manage. Eventually, getting them through the school doors became an accomplishment in itself, nevermind grades.
Looking back, I wish I'd asked a different question much sooner:
What if my child isn't the thing that needs fixing?
That's part of why, years later, Sandy Spring Friends School caught my attention. I found myself looking at the school not just as a publisher/journalist, but as a mother. And I kept thinking: I wish I had known more about Sandy Spring then. I still have notes my daughter wrote when she had started a GT program in 4th grade at her new magnet school. She was trying so hard to be "good" not because she had behavior issues, but because her ADHD issues and executive function challenges weren't being addressed. In another, she simply said she didn't like it there but she was getting better.
One thing that was a revelation to me was that my kids could have enrolled at SSFS for their entire education. Imagine starting in preschool and being able to grow in a school environment that nurtured you from 3 to 18. One thing I love about elementary school is that kids stay in the same environment for 6 years so everyone knows the students and is excited to see them grow and mature. That typically doesn't last after 5th grade. The average student changes schools at least 4 times. More if they are in magnet programs.
At SSFS I noticed that there is room for curiosity. Students are encouraged to explore and let wonder generate interest in learning. Students are taught to look at learning with a “question, reflection, action" approach that encourages exploration and individualism, instead of shutting down curiosity to get back on track with the lesson plan.
My kids loved digging in the yard gardening and looking for bugs. They would have enjoyed the 140 acres which includes an on-campus farm and a pond that is used as an extended classroom for authentic and memorable learning experiences.
For example, students at SSFS participate in planting, cultivating and harvesting food that is later used in the cafeteria. Fifth graders did a "nurse log" study in the woods, examining how fallen trees in the woods become hosts for seedlings, mosses, and fungi. Boots are on everyone's back to school shopping list because many lessons are like this and some take place on the shores of the on-campus lake.
The Quaker values that are at the core of everything that happens at the school means everyone has a place at SSFS, and individuality is celebrated rather than something to suppress. Bullying is not part of the student culture and is rejected by the students.
I have learned that if my children had attended SSFS, their intellect as GT students would have continued to be challenged, but learning differences like ADHD would have been fully supported and incorporated into learning.
One of the most important things that would have made all the difference in my kids' attitude about school is the fact that SSFS values experiential learning. Both of my kids rejected the idea of being lectured at by teachers and thrived in environments where they experienced hands-on, project-based learning. Lessons were often with sighs and my kids asking when will I ever use this? Relating school to real-life experiences is expected.
Neither one of my kids is at all athletic nor do they have any interest in sports, so I was amazed to learn that students can fulfill their PE credits by taking “Farming Fitness” or rock climbing class that utilizes the full-sized climbing wall in the school gym.
I have no way of knowing what would have happened if we'd chosen Sandy Spring Friends School. No school is right for every child, and hindsight is always 20/20.
but I do know this:
I wish I had realized sooner that struggling to fit into one school didn't mean I needed to change my child. I wish I'd understood sooner that finding the right educational environment isn't giving up. It's listening.
So if you're watching your funny, curious, creative and capable child slowly become someone who believes they aren't any of those things, and hate school. I won't tell you SSFS is the answer. I will tell you it's worth exploring whether there's another way for your child to experience school. We eventually found our way to joy, but I am certain we could have gotten there sooner if we looked closely at SSFS.
You can learn more about SSFS and find out if it is a good fit for your kid during their open house on Saturday, October 25th, 1pm -4 pm. Register to attend https://www.ssfs.org/openhouse
